Reconsiderations

Well, I made it.  Yay me.

I've been thinking about my yearly challenges.  My mom questioned the purpose of them, and with how much I disliked this past month, I'm questioning them as well.  I will finish out this year though, because failure is not an option... at least, any more than I have already failed in all the grand plans I stated at the start of this year.

The 104 friendly letters of 2012 served a purpose: kept me on track with keeping in touch with my friends, one of whom was unable to write me back, so I needed a goal that made me think of writing her frequently, so that was a fine challenge.  365 poems was a little over the top, but was very good for me.  It got me back into poetry writing which has continued (at a slower pace) into this year.  This year's did nothing for me.  The practical one of exercising regularly died the first time I got sick.  The finishing a story ended fairly quickly (right after I wrote a post about how well it was going, actually), and you all know how the blogging one has been going.

I still want to do something though.  I like the challenges I've set.  I like seeing myself rise to meet them.  But I need a goal to the challenge, a reason to do that certain thing, other than seeing if I can actually write that many letters/poems/blog-posts.

Feel free to give me ideas, and thanks for putting up with me.

Winter Weather, 12.21.13

Winter weather

Hated by so many

But so easy to enjoy

Watch it from the windows

And your hands employ

See Christmas lights twinkling

Sing some songs together

Light a crackling fire

Enjoy the winter weather

Untitled, 1.22.14

I’ll write to you

In color we’d forgotten

Bring the thoughts

We set free

I’ll hold you through the night

Like before times

When it was only you

And me

Cause now we’re older

Than we’d ever thought we’d be

And now we see

Further than we thought we’d see

Thanksgiving Feasting

Thanksgiving day is very interesting around here.  It is a mixture of relaxing and crazy.  Our main plan is to sit around, play games, and eat lots of wonderful food. However, in order to have wonderful food to consume, the food must be made.

So the day goes in more short bursts.  We play 20 minutes of Nertz, and then break so I can work on the rolls.  More Nertz, then Justice goes out to check the cows, Pop goes over to our other property to take a walk, we do more dinner prep, then go downstairs to play Dominion.  Every 30 minutes or so we take a break from the game to make more food.

Finally, dinner time arrives. Which means, actually, concerted effort from the whole group to get everything finally on the table.  Since the turkey can't be carved till it's done, and the gravy waits for this point as well, that takes up some time.  It took 15 or more minutes from "food's ready!" to actually being able to eat.

Of course it is all worth it.  We had a roast turkey with stuffing (made by Kimberly), coleslaw (a new recipe, made by Mom), mashed potatoes (work of Ellie and Justice), gravy (Pop's creation), jello with cranberries, celery and nuts (Kimberly and Ellie's handiwork), and rolls (my contribution to the feast).  It is disturbingly easy to overeat at such times.  We always aim to eat early on Thanksgiving so that we have plenty of time between dinner and dessert.

After dinner we did more games, talking, cleaning, and finally the dessert.  We had a pumpkin cheesecake (a surprise that Tracy brought), pumpkin and pecan pies (Mom and I made them yesterday), an apple pie (Ellie was shocked that we hadn't made this yesterday, so she made it after dinner today), and cranberry crunch.  Again, way to easy to over eat.  I think I managed fairly nicely however.

The whole day was very fun.

Our Nation, 12.22.13

How do you cry for a nation

How does one hold in their heart

The sins of a nation

Their nation

The world is falling

Around us

At times dragging us down

But still we must stand

And weep for the nations

Our nation

Worst of all

Break!

Well, Thanksgiving break has begun (woohoo!), and I have a smashing headache (boo!).  (Btw, I'm adding in my own reactions, just so I don't feel so lonely if none of you comment)

Today was mildly crazy.  We had a Thanksgiving "dinner" (at noon), where parents and relatives were invited to come eat with their children.  It was good.  And crazy.  Several of my kids' parents couldn't make it, which was mildly sad, but they didn't seem to mind too much.  I sat with them and we had a good time.

The ibuprofen has kicked in now (Yay! for ibuprofen!).

Tomorrow Ellie and I are heading to the parent's house, after doing lots of errands in Rolla and Salem.  I get to go to the chiropractor, which I am looking forward to.

I have a feeling that there is more planned for this week than I know about.  Kind of sad, since I really need to relax.  Oh well, I'm sure I'll find times to sleep.

Happy Thanksgiving break, folks!

This is the reason we teach them Bible verses....

Today after nap-time, one of the kids asked if they could do the 24-piece puzzles that I have on my shelf.  I hadn't broken these out yet, and since they were all being good and fairly quiet, it seemed a good time.  I figured out who wanted to do them (six of the eight kids still in the classroom), and split them into two groups.  At first one of the groups was having trouble working together, and right as I was about to step in I heard one of the kids in the group say, "Hey guys, 'Be ye kind, one unto another,' Ephesians 4:26."

Now, he was six verses off (Ephesians 4:32, "and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."), but talk about applying what he had learned! I was quite proud of him.  They proceeded to work together well after that, so that made me happy too.

I Hate Diets

I've always had a strong dislike for diets.  My first medical memory was of me in the doctor's office, and Doctor Dorman telling Mom that I should go off dairy to deal with my sinus issues.  Since that time, the only doctors that haven't taken me off of dairy, as well as many other wonderful foods, have been three chiropractors, that I only went to for skeletal adjustments.  As long as I didn't tell them about my other problems (chronic fatigue and hypoglycemia), they didn't mess with my food.

Last year my new chiropractor put me on a new diet.  Mainly no dairy, no sugar, and no gluten, though I was also supposed to avoid corn and the really sweet fruits (pineapple, mangoes, and others).  It was fairly awful.  I lost some weight though, that was nice.

After about a month and a half of doing really, really well, I started cheating a little bit.  Just on the weekends, maybe one special thing.  Then I did it more and more, and by Thanksgiving I pretty much wasn't on the diet any more.  After Christmas I managed to get back on it for the weekdays.  Kind of.  Eventually I gave up all together.

But then, a while after school started and I was feeling tired, headachy, and had gained weight, I decided to put myself back on it.  I managed fairly well for two weeks, then Ellie's birthday came around.  I had to eat the cake I made her, of course.  Then we went over to a friend's house to celebrate her birthday, and dinner had wheat in it, and I ate cookies with milk.  Then we went home and had pie and whipped cream.  Today I didn't even try.  I'll be good tomorrow though....

I do think I notice some difference in how I feel when I eat along the diet I've been prescribed.  Maybe that will help keep me straight.

Untitled, 11.22.14

Only the silence

Could hold this sound

A gentle beauty
All around

Only a heartbreak

Could be this whole

So very certain
So clearly known

Only an ending

Could bring this start

And only this pain

Could heal my heart

Good songs. Trust me.

Ellie and I came home this weekend. It was so nice driving up and seeing the Christmas lights up.  Some of you might be judging us for having Christmas lights up, but it's so homey and relaxed.  We keep them up for a long time too.  I'm always disappointed if they are taken down before March.

Oh!  This post wasn't going to be about Christmas, but why not? Christmas music.  Goodness.  People ask me if I like Christmas music and I always quickly respond "yes".  Then, I hear "Christmas music", and I think "ick".  "Baby It's Cold Outside"?  Kill it with fire.

However, "Mary Did You Know"?  Handel's Messiah? "One Small Child"?  Why confine this wonderful music to less than two months in a year?

Here are some good listens for you.  Enjoy. Even if it is before Thanksgiving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arlVN6liCxU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiL993FK0y4

Not Quite Under Control

It is interesting and humbling to see how my attitude and behavior affects my students.  Tuesday I found myself flustered and frustrated.  The more the students misbehaved, the more frustrated I got, and their behavior continued to feed off of my responses. That is probably the main reason why Tuesday was such a long day.

Wednesday I went in determined to use positive reinforcement to encourage better behavior.  I have previously found Wednesdays to be very tiring days, but yesterday was great.  They had similar behavior problems (I had the same amount of students sitting out for part of recess, for example), but by rewarding the good students, I got the classroom back into order more quickly and for longer periods of time.

Today was an average day. I began developing a headache as the day went on, and from the start of school it has been discouraging to see and feel how a day will deteriorate as I feel more and more exhausted and my headache comes more to the fore.  I still used positive reinforcement though, so it never got too crazy today.

Good days or bad, I am constantly seeing things that need so much work.  My class is absolutely horrible while "standing in line" (they don't really qualify as either standing, or being in a line), and it is ridiculous. I need to think of something, and stay consistent with it. The problem is, I will try something for a day or so, it won't work a miracle, so I give up on it.  I don't want to get stuck on a strategy that doesn't work, but I think I need to keep going for more than one day.

Well, tomorrow's a new day, as the saying correctly and rather obviously states.  We'll see how it goes.

Silent Companions, 12.25.13

Went walking in the evening

To see the new-fallen snow

Found my way among the trees

Winding to and fro

Happened upon the woodland creek

Frozen on its way

Tried to hear its laughing voice

But it had naught to say

I came up to an old oak tree

Stark, still and strong

I could not hear its whispered words

Though I waited long

Continued till I chanced to find

A field, buried white

But nothing would it say to me

As evening turned to night

Long, long day

Today has been an extremely long and tiring day.  It started at the normal time (6:00 a.m.) but it has been so hard to drag myself out of bed these last two days.  Yesterday my chiropractor told me that I should cut down on the fruits I put in my daily smoothie, so my breakfast wasn't as wonderful as usual.  In fact, is was almost bitter.  I don't think he needed me to cut it down quite as much as I did.

The school day started well enough.  Through Bible time I had their attention fairly well, but made the mistake of doing a short review instead of telling a story.  They behave best at this time of day, and I really didn't need to abridge their good behavior.  The rest of the day I was fighting an uphill battle of talkative children.  They wouldn't sit still, they wouldn't stop talking, and the whole time they smiled as sweetly as can be... unless they were crying on their desks because I took away some recess.

The friend I've been exercising with for the last two weeks sent me a text that she was too exhausted to exercise today, and I was grateful, cause I had been thinking of cancelling as well so I could take a nap.  Sadly, that was not in my near future. I was planning on making a cake for Ellie, so I had to go shopping for the ingredients.

After spending over a half-hour at Walmart (might as well get both Ellie's and my list done while there), I got home to Ellie and her exercise buddy doing painful torture in the living room. No problem, I just took care of the groceries, then started thinking about a shower and a nap.  Checked my phone really quickly and....

Read a text from a friend that I have been wanting to find time to hang out with for a while.  She was bored, hasn't been feeling well, and wanted to know if I was busy.  I was glad that she had contacted me, cause we've been dancing around actually getting together for about two weeks, so I forwent the nap, and drove to pick her up.  We hung out for a while, I took her back home, and  then got back to our house for dinner.

Well, the cake still had to be made.  I've never made a cake before. Interesting experience, not too fun with a hand mixer. I hope that it turned out okay, because pound cake ingredients are rather expensive.

And now, I really, really need to take that shower and a "long nap".  Goodnight.

Winter Storm, 11.30.13

Icy drips of winter

The icicles grow long

Snow is swirling inward

The chilling winds are strong

We huddle by the fire

Trying to stay warm

Safe inside together

Listening to the storm

Snowy Sunday

Ellie informed me it was snowing this morning about five times.  Each announcement was preceded by an "ugh", "augh" or tone of  voice implying one of those two emotions.

Despite Ellie's attitude on the subject, it continued to snow, and looked absolutely lovely.  Second service at church was cancelled, so we had most of the afternoon and all of the evening to relax at home, which we did.

We spent this time very productively of course.  And I'm only half-way being facetious. She sewed, I knit, while watching things or listening to music.  We also played Lord of the Rings the board-game (and lost) after dinner.

It was a good, snowy day.  It could only have been better if I was at my parents house where I could have done some of my sitting in front of the wood stove, and taken a walk through the snowy woods.  Here, I chose to not take a walk down the slushy road.  Mildly regretting that choice.

Half-way Point and Word Invention

Half-way through, folks. HALFWAY!  Why did you let me do this?  Why didn't someone stop me?  Oh, right, I just said I was going to, didn't give anyone a chance to talk some sense into me.  Oh well, self-torment is good for a person, right?

I find I don't have the inspiration to write much.  My blog-posts are either recountings of my children's amusingness, or a poem.  Or a rant on misuse of the English language, but that was just one.

Oh, and I was going to write another post about the English language.  I guess I could do that now.

Back in high-school, Ellie and I did a course on "English from the Roots Up."  Little did Mom know that she was equipping me to play with the English language.

If you have spent much time talking to me, or have read many of my blog-posts, you may notice that I make up new words on a regular basis (case in point "recountings" and "amusingness" from above). Almost every word that I make up is constructed from roots, prefixes and suffixes, and though some of them sound odd, they are still easy to understand if you have a good understanding of the English language.  Considering the fact that Shakespeare invented over 1700 words, I feel that I fall in good company and I manage to never  feel guilty for my "butchering" of the English language.

Kids, Jesus, Angels, and, sadly, Santa.

At lunch time today one of my boys came up to me and said, "Miss Hall, I have an important question.  Why did Jesus have to die?"

Well, that's a fun one.  I think I answered it pretty well, considering the fact that I was explaining it to a five year old.  It was actually fairly easy, all things considered: we all sin, sin has consequences (death and punishment), Jesus died to take that punishment upon Himself.  So then another child (both, by the way, are my main trouble makers) popped out of his seat to talk about how when he lies God forgives him so he doesn't have to go to "down there" for it.  I then had to explain repenting and trying to do better.

After that the conversation turned more to angels and such, and then one of the kids almost provoked me to an outburst against Santa.  I don't know how I'm going to survive the Christmas season.

He told me that Santa is one of God's guards, and when we ask God for things, He sends Santa to give them to us.  I was amused, but annoyed.  So I.... let the next student ask a question and he asked me what angels look like.

Other questions include: "Will we become angels when we die?" "Do you know the ten commandments?" "Does Satan have ten commandments?"

This was all at lunch time.  Theological discussion peppered the rest of the day.  I love little kids.

Reality, 8.7.13

Slightly disappointed
Not quite what you wished
Sparkled dreams are fading
Into reality's harsh mist

For dreams are often brighter
Than the truth of day
And fantasy paths are smoother
Than our rough twisted way

Silent Cry, 10.5.13

Do you hold me

In this silence

Is my heartbeat

The only sound?

Is there hope still

For my heartache

Can I still be who I am?

For my heart is breaking

Daily

And my life bleeds out to the dust

But through the pain my soul is waking

And maybe that is why I’m here today.

Do you see the tears I’m crying

And do you hear my angry screams

Is that why you stay afar off

Or are you closer than you seem?

For my heart is breaking

Daily

And my life bleeds out to the dust

But through the pain my soul is waking

And maybe that is why I’m here today.

Days Off

A lovely thing about the school Ellie and I work at, is that we get off all the official holidays. Today, therefore, was a day off, and it has been wonderful.

I've found that Ellie has a very different idea of days off from me ("Why doesn't that surprise me?"). Sunday she started looking for someone to make plans with.  I was able to hold her off for the morning, but she had someone over to sew and go running in the afternoon.  I however did my best to relax.

Which meant that I did quilling to fill an order for a friend, worked on a Christmas present, helped make lunch and dinner, helped clean the house, graded lots of papers for my kids, and decorated name tag things for my kids as well.  It was a good day.

Despite the fact that I was sedentary all day, I find myself exceedingly tired. Hence the short post.  Good night!

Contractions and Dangled Prepositions

Dangling one's prepositions is a very easy grammatical mistake to make, and one that I am often guilty of making.  Sometimes restructuring your sentence merely to not leave a little word hanging would be ridiculous.  I find, therefore, that I rarely notice dangled prepositions.

Except, there are certain instances wherein I do.  You see, sometimes to get rid of that final preposition, you would have to go through the process of moving your sentence around, and it might come out so garbled as to not make sense.  But other times, one would merely have to drop it off.  And that is where I both notice it, and am annoyed by it.

For example "Where's it at?" is one that I hear quite frequently.  In thinking about this particular ill wording, I discovered something that I find interesting: when I say "Where's it", it sounds odd, or wrong, and I find myself wanting to add "at".  When I say "where is it", it sound clumsy and stumbling to add the same "at".  Which lead me to the conclusion that our ears (or at least mine) are tuned to a lyrical quality in our language that leads us to desire a certain number of syllables in some sentences.

So, if you find yourself dangling a preposition, look for a contraction you use, and uncontract it.

Waiting Through Winter, 12.25.13

Outside my window, barren trees

Disturb and stir the air

Slender branches without leaves

Forget that life is fair

Dead grasses waving in the wind

Fill the fields with gold

Their colors undulate constantly

As with the wind they roll

But soon the green of life again

Will find the fields and trees

And soon we’ll hear a chorus of

The grasses and the leaves

Silly Songs with Children

After nap-time (from about 12:45 to 2:15) many of my children are grouchy, groggy, and unfocused.  I rotate activities for them, coloring, reading books, doing puzzles, cutting out shapes, and drawing.  If all of my children were groggy, this would be the most peaceful time of the day.  Sadly, some of my students either don't sleep, or wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and full of talkativeness.

Sometimes I read to them while they are coloring. I don't do this as often as I should, since I will frequently be working on last minute things, like getting their work into their folders, and their folders into their backpacks.  Sometimes I will tell them stories, and I will often get requests for me to "read us a story about us, Miss Hall."  This is always fun, for all of us, but quickly gets out of hand as they start taking part and going crazy.  Since other classes around us are still doing academics, I can't let them go entirely free.

Three times now I have sung them songs that I remember loving when I was a kid.  Many of the songs have left them in stitches.  The very first time I did it, I had just that week gotten a new student in my class.  Her family had come here from Nigeria, and she wasn't particularly happy to be in my class.  I had only seen her smile once or twice, and had gotten very few words out of her.  However, when I started singing "Alice, Where are You Going?", inserting the children's names in the song, she started chuckling.  When I sang it with her name, she busted up.  She has a lovely laugh.

Just yesterday I sang them Little Bunny Foofoo. Some of my kids kept coloring, singing some of the words with me, but my littlest boy did the motions with me, except that he bonked himself on the head instead of the field mice.  By the third time they made me sing it, two or three students came up next to me to do the motions as well.

And a Preacher is Born

When I said I would use things from my job for several blog posts, I wasn't joking.  My kids are adorably hilarious.

Today, one of my kids took a Bible to recess.  He put it down on the chair next to me though, and went to play legos with another child.  Then, one of the other boys came over, and asked me to read him some.  He had turned to Psalms, so I started reading one.  He lost focus, things got loud, I put the Bible down, and he took off with it.  A few minutes later I saw him pacing back and forth through the gym, the Bible open, giving a very rousing sermon.  I sadly only heard the first few sentences, but it continued for close to five minutes:

"Our Lord!  Savior of the Cross!  He went outside, for the glory!"

He gesticulated pointedly as he spoke. 

Memories I Regret

Today I am going to share with you two memories dragged from the dark recesses of my past.  But before I tell them, I want to make something extremely clear: I was very young.  

The first one is the one I am most ashamed of.  I really don't know how old I was, so I can't tell how unforgivable my acts may be in this case.

We had just gotten some gravel delivered to our house for the driveway, and it was sitting in a heap.  I grabbed our cat, D'Artagnion, clambered to the top of the heap, and threw the cat down to the bottom.  I then proceeded to repeat this procedure until the poor feline ran away.

What was I thinking, you ask?  I was thinking that if it got hurt, it would come to me and I could nurse it back to health.  Thinking back on this, I feel that I must have been some sort of psychopath.

The second memory isn't quite so crazy, but shows my deviousness. 

As long as I can remember, Kimberly, my oldest sister, has had nicely kept, long fingernails.  When we were young, Ellie and I disliked them, probably because we were jealous.

So one day when a tickle war ended with me having a 6 inch scratch on my side, I took my opportunity.  I found Mom, showed her the scratch, and told her that Kimberly had scratched me with her long nails while tickling me.  Mom told Kimberly that she would have to cut her nails, which made Kimberly upset.  I still remember the devilish smile I had on my face when Mom insisted. 

Hear Me, 10.21.14

Would you believe these words if

They were someone else's

Would you finally hear me

If it was someone else's voice

Would these thoughts break through if

Someone else had thought them

But I'm stuck inside

And you won't listen

I'm here inside

And you don't seem to care

I've always been here

So I'm easy to ignore

But you need to listen

To my voice

What School Children Think of Me

Today I was wearing a narrow brown belt to accessorize my outfit, and I removed it after lunch.  I hadn't given up on it yet though, so I was taking it to recess.  Well, whenever I'm carrying a belt like that, I always think about the alternative use of belts, and apparently my kids think the same way.

"What is the belt for, Miss Hall?  Are you going to wallup us?"
"Do you think I would?" - me
"Yes.  Are you going to?"

I had them all in a row.  If they had been a more squirrelly bunch today, I may have been tempted. :D

~~~~~

Once, after reprimanding a student, she piped up with, "When my mom is mad, she sounds like a teacher."  Ha, thanks.

~~~~~

"Miss Hall, is the other Miss Hall your sister?  I thought you were the mom."

~~~~~

"I think it's amazing that you know my name." - a high-school student
"I'm a teacher, I have my sneaky ways of finding out."
"Are you sure you don't just share a mind with the other Miss Hall?"

Cold Weather

I've noticed that people tend to embrace fall with either a joyous exclamation of "I get to wear my lovely sweaters!" or grumbles of disapproval about the cold.  I'm not quite either, but much closer to the lovely sweater side of the spectrum.  Ellie is on the grumbling side, and it makes for some rather amusing moments.

Saturday was the first day that we have had to scrape the ice off of the windsheild.  As I got into the car, and she got out, I chuckled a "Oh, you have to scrape the ice? Exciting!" She wasn't particularly pleased with me.

There have been days where the heater will be on and I would far rather do without the heat and the noise, but will leave it on for her. At times I think she may be cold blooded.

At night time though, we switch parts. I always seem to freeze at night when she is fine.  My bed is piled high with blankets, whereas she has only added one small lap quilt to her summer covers. 

We have similarly opposed reactions to the end of daylight savings time.  I love the fact that you get to sleep in, and that you can sleep in half an hour, and still wake up half an hour early.  She bemoans the fact we now come home from work in the dark (or will very soon). I suppose this means that I value sleep above sunshine.

This morning was mildly annoying though.  My internal clock has finally switched over to the time we get up for school (6 a.m.), taking three months to do so instead of the usual one week (probably due to the move, and stress of a new job, etc.).  Then, right after I start waking up naturally around 5:50, the time changes.  I woke up at 4:30 this morning, dozed on and off until about 5:20, and then was finally able to sleep until 6, when the alarm went off.  Ugh.

NaNoWriMo

Hopefully you all know me well enough to know I won't be doing NaNoWriMo.  That would be rather silly of me.

But I still like pushing myself to do various crazy things.  As mentioned in my last post, I need to post 35 more blogposts in order to reach my modified New Year's Resolution.  If I don't, I will have failed for the first time in my yearly writing goals (established 2012).

So, one post per day for November?  I'll do my best.  I intend to write up several poems and have them ready for days that I really don't feel like posting.  Is that cheating? Even several of my non-poem posts will probably be written in advance. I tend to write in bursts, sitting down at my computer and typing off two or three.  In fact, I'm not sure if I remember ever writing one post in an evening and not starting (if not completing) another post.  That being said, I have a lot of unpresentable drafts here on my blog.

I'm going to have to talk about something if I'm going to post 30 times this month, so I guess I'll have the enjoyment of telling you some about my job. Since I teach 14 5-year-olds, this could get quite fun (provided I can tell general enough of stories not to breach any privacy laws).

Ah, I'm looking forward to this challenge.  And just a little bit, hating the fact that I'm committing to it by posting this.

No excuses.

I think I can finally accept the fact that I am not a blogger. I don't know if there is anything I've wanted so much to be able to keep up, tried so often to start again, and failed so predictably at every time. Oh, except in trying to keep my room consistently clean. That has an even worse track record of good intentions and bad outcomes. 

So I don't know how much I'll try to keep this going. Ugh, I don't want to give up on it, but I'm tired of how guilty I feel when I don't post for a while. Especially considering my goal for this year.

Speaking of goals, I've failed all of them.  Monthly exercise regimes, didn't even make it through January.  Writing a lot on my fiction story?  Ha, almost as soon as I wrote a post about how I'd gotten farther in my story than I have ever in any story before, I hit a wall and have gotten no further. I have been writing various random things frequently, but certainly not every day, and you are all aware of how my one blog post a week has been going. I suppose I did modify that last one to be 52 posts for the year, spread or clumped as I saw fit, but somehow I don't see me posting 35 more posts before the end of the year.

Mom warned me from the start not to be disappointed if I failed my rather ambitious goals, but I alas, heeded her not.

:(