Sunday, August 6, 2017

Empathy, 10.19.16

I look within
And see inside
The very feelings
You try to hide

I write them down,
These words I find,
And hope they say
What's on your mind

But I hold them back
With worried fear
That you did not
Wish me to hear

But these thoughts of yours
They're here with me
So for both of us
I'll set them free

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Me, 7.22.16

I look in the mirror,
And this body,
This flesh,
This isn't me,
Not how I really look.
But it's a part of me.

I catch my own glance,
My eyes bright,
Closer to who I am
Than the rest of the observable me.

I close my eyes to imagine,
How I'd look,
If I looked like Me.
My creative side sparks to life,
I see colors and swirls,
Beauty and brightness.
But then practical Chava steps in,
"Don't forget the quiet,
The thoughtfulness,
The peace."
And the sparkling colors
Subside to a bluish grey.

From the back of my mind comes a laugh,
Cold and cruel.
"And don't forget me,
The pain that has shaped you,
From your first headache,
And your first real tear,
To the adult you've become.
I've formed you."

I open my eyes,
Before the darkness crashes in.
I open my eyes,
And see me.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Darkness Seen, 4.7.13

I wend my way through obstacles
Searching as I go.
I find the world is dark with sin
And life is full of woe.
Confusion and debacles fill
Everything I know;
For humans work in wickedness
And reap that which they sow.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Let Me Grieve, 3.1.16

I want the world to stop a moment.
Let me breathe,
Let me grieve.

I need a pause
to look about me.
To see the shadows of your life
Before they start to fade.

Put life on hold.
Let me cry,
Let me think.

You're gone.
I'm aware of it.
Starkly, painfully.
An ever-present knife wound.
But I still catch my breath,
Realizing again
What that means.

But the world won't stop.
I have to live
While I grieve.
I eat, sleep, talk.
But I don't want to.
Not yet.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Broken Traveler, 12.1.13

I traveled East,
Until I met the Sun.
In its radiance I burned,
And was left a spirit.

I traveled West,
Into the dying day.
Held its light within my heart,
Before it passed away.

I traveled North,
And in the snow I froze.
Crystals of ice,
Pierced my soul.

I traveled South,
To feel heat again,
It melted the ice,
Until I was no more.

Friday, December 4, 2015

A Guide to Female Crying, Part 2

After posting my last post, a guy asked me about another type of crying, and I figured I could do a follow up post hitting a few more categories in the female crying world.

Blood Sugar Crashing:
This one is a bit of a sticky wicket because the female in question may not know that her blood sugar is crashing. To all appearances she is just over reacting to small things. Along with crying, she might seem irrationally angry as well. Here is why: when someone's blood sugar crashes their brain is not getting the sugar it needs to function, so their brain starts freaking out. Things become much more important and much worse to them because their brain just can't handle it.

Really, prevention is the best medicine here, and it mostly needs to be on the girl's part. However for any guys, just be aware of whether or not the important females in your life are hypoglycemic or have any other similar issues. Realize that they might not always be aware that the reason something is affecting them so negatively is because they haven't eaten for a while. I would suggest to discreetly offer them a snack containing protein and some healthy sugars (fruit and a nut butter is good, provided the person likes fruit and nut butters), and see if that helps the situation.

Dangers on this one: If she is upset about something and the first thing out of your mouth is "Is this just because you haven't eaten recently?" she could be hearing "When you cry it is usually just because you need to eat, not because there is actually a problem," which is not something she wants to hear. Deal with the blood sugar, but make sure there isn't a more serious problem at the root of the issue.

Crying and Wont Say Why:
Probably the world's least favorite, especially the sub-category of "Crying and Won't Say Why, but Expects You to Know", which I will address below.

Lots of possibilities here. I would first suggest you attempt to figure out if she wants you to know. I would suggest going about your normal business with a mildly concerned look on your face, and make yourself approachable*. If she uses this opportunity to quietly slip into another room, you can ask her nicely later if she is okay. If she wants you to know, she may tell you, or may attempt a conversation to spark a question from you. If this happens, just ask again and see if she will tell you. However, if she seems upset or agitated by your silence (storms out of the room, glares at you, slams doors, huffs, etc.), you are probably in the situation of "Expects You to Know", and you need to act on that information.

As for why she would do this, there are several reason. She may be embarrassed by the fact she is crying, and really wishes you hadn't noticed. She may think that if she gives you the reason she is crying you will laugh at her, or brush it off as emotional. Or, she could be mad at you.

If she is embarrassed by it, leave her alone, she'll be fine when she gets over it. If she isn't telling you because you might laugh or brush it off, we have a problem here, because that is basically saying she doesn't feel safe telling you things. Shape up.

Crying and Won't Say Why, but Expects You to Know:
Ah, you poor creature. This is the version for when she is mad at you.

For starters, she does legitimately think that you should know what the problem is. It is glaringly obvious to her. It might be something that the two of you have discussed before, it might be a repeated offense, it might be a number of things, but she sees it, and she can't believe that you can't. Therefore when you ask what's wrong, she says you should know, and then you don't... I am so, so sorry. Your inability to see it can be translated a few different ways including: "He doesn't care about me enough to even think about it, even though I am this upset" and "He doesn't know me well enough to know, even though we've been together x years."

You should try to think over the last 24 hours or so to see if you can think of the possible crime, but don't let her stew very long, cause this is just getting worse. She is angry and she is choosing to not communicate. I would suggest pacifying the situation by telling her you truly don't know what's wrong, but you want to so that you can fix it. From here she will hopefully soften a bit more and tell you.

When she is a good mood, you should discuss this situation, especially if this is your spouse. I personally think that being angry and not being willing to work it out is toxic in a relationship, and you and she should figure out a different method of dealing with issues. Do it nicely though, because she probably did have legitimate reason to be angry with you. We usually do.

Quick note to the ladies on this topic: It is never fair to expect someone to read your mind. I could pick a random person at my place of work, imagine them being angry with me, and then pick out five different reasons as to why. If you are living with someone (i.e., husband) you could probably think of many more. Imagine that he were angry, but you had to guess why. Did you over cook the last food you made? Did you leave the car running? Did you forget to feed the cats this morning? Did you leave a sock on the floor and he slipped? Not fair, is it? DON'T DO THIS TO PEOPLE!

Crying and "I Don't Want to Talk About it Right Now.":

Usually she actually means what she says, at least I would. She wants to calm down, sort through some things, before addressing an issue. Giving her the time she wants will deal with half of the problem, so I suggest doing as she asks.

*This suggestion here is one that I'm not very sure about. It is how I would deal with a situation, but I am a pacifistic avoider, so I don't know if it necessarily the best method. Also, for this I am assuming that you have asked once in a straight-forward way.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

A Guide to Female Crying

Written by one female for all females without any other female input.

If you are a stereotypical male, you probably find yourself boggled by the female brain and emotions. You probably also hate it when they cry and you can't make sense of it. By reading the below information you may gain some grasp of such difficult topics.

Most female crying fits fall under one of these categories:

Pain: 

If she is crying due to pain, figure out if it is a sickness pain (headache, stomach ache, etc.) or injury. In case of sickness, consider that women have a high pain tolerance for such things, and look into taking her to a doctor. If it is for injury, assess the situation yourself, ask her opinion, and then act accordingly. I would say to remove the nail that is sticking in her forehead, but if you know anything of first aid, you know that that is not the correct procedure in impalement issues.

Ridiculous Catastrophe (Also known as "No Reason"):

Example: you walk into the kitchen, she is standing over the sink crying. You ask what's wrong and she sobs out, "I dropped my cup of water into the sink and it all spilled!" Your first reaction is probably "What on earth is wrong with this creature?!", so for the sake of your life and this relationship, don't let your first reaction come out of your mouth.

She is not crying because her water spilled. She is crying because as soon as she woke up this morning, she felt crumby. Maybe her head hurts. Maybe she's fighting a cold. Maybe it's that time of month, but whatever it is, her body doesn't feel good. Then she gets up and as soon as she sees a mirror she sighs: she looks just as bad as she feels. Like it or not (and whether we like or not), women tend to care about how they look. From there her morning does not improve: she can't find anything to wear that fixes how she feels about her looks this morning, she drops her hairbrush, she realizes she forgot to complete something for work. Every time something happens she tells herself "It's okay, it's going to be okay, I don't need to freak out about this. It's just going to be a bad day. I can handle a bad day. Don't cry. Don't be emotional. Don't be that girl." And then, with a clank, a dropped cup jars her out of her careful control, and the tears hit. First the tears for the cup, then for the way she feels physically, then the way she looks, then the project she forgot at work. And when you ask her, all that comes out is that she dropped the cup.

How to handle it: As I said, don't let your first reaction slip out! Next step: if there is a mess, help her clean it up. Depending on your relationship with said female, a hug may be appropriate. Whatever you do, do something to make her feel that maybe today doesn't have to be a bad day for the whole day.

Tiredness:

This is only a half-truth. We don't cry because we are tired, but, because we are tired, we don't have the energy to put up an anti-crying wall. So, if she is crying because of tiredness, you still need to figure out the real reason. Sorry!

Book or Movie Emotions:

If she is crying because of a book or movie, you really can't help. Realize that she is empathizing and needs to let out the emotions. And take away her books: they are dangerous because they give women ideas and encourage thinking.

Laughing:

If she is laughing so hard that she is crying, I hope you don't see this as a problem. Enjoy the fact that she looks ridiculous doing it, but is carefree enough to do it anyway.

Emotional Topic/Cry Talking:

Ever been in a heated conversation/debate and a female starts crying as she elucidates her point? She hates it more than you do, and wishes she could control it. Just ignore it and do your best to continue the conversation while diffusing the emotions that are blocking her speech patterns. Seriously, she doesn't like that this is happening.

Using Above Crying as Manipulation:

Two possibilities: either she is cruelly manipulative (can't help you there), or she feels that this is the only way you will listen to her. If it is the second. listen now, but also make sure you listen to her before she has to go to this length.

Quietly Crying, Hoping You Don't Notice:

I'm not going to handle this anymore than suggest two things: either something really bad has happened and she doesn't want to ruin your day, or she is depressed.