Friday, December 4, 2015

A Guide to Female Crying, Part 2

After posting my last post, a guy asked me about another type of crying, and I figured I could do a follow up post hitting a few more categories in the female crying world.

Blood Sugar Crashing:
This one is a bit of a sticky wicket because the female in question may not know that her blood sugar is crashing. To all appearances she is just over reacting to small things. Along with crying, she might seem irrationally angry as well. Here is why: when someone's blood sugar crashes their brain is not getting the sugar it needs to function, so their brain starts freaking out. Things become much more important and much worse to them because their brain just can't handle it.

Really, prevention is the best medicine here, and it mostly needs to be on the girl's part. However for any guys, just be aware of whether or not the important females in your life are hypoglycemic or have any other similar issues. Realize that they might not always be aware that the reason something is affecting them so negatively is because they haven't eaten for a while. I would suggest to discreetly offer them a snack containing protein and some healthy sugars (fruit and a nut butter is good, provided the person likes fruit and nut butters), and see if that helps the situation.

Dangers on this one: If she is upset about something and the first thing out of your mouth is "Is this just because you haven't eaten recently?" she could be hearing "When you cry it is usually just because you need to eat, not because there is actually a problem," which is not something she wants to hear. Deal with the blood sugar, but make sure there isn't a more serious problem at the root of the issue.

Crying and Wont Say Why:
Probably the world's least favorite, especially the sub-category of "Crying and Won't Say Why, but Expects You to Know", which I will address below.

Lots of possibilities here. I would first suggest you attempt to figure out if she wants you to know. I would suggest going about your normal business with a mildly concerned look on your face, and make yourself approachable*. If she uses this opportunity to quietly slip into another room, you can ask her nicely later if she is okay. If she wants you to know, she may tell you, or may attempt a conversation to spark a question from you. If this happens, just ask again and see if she will tell you. However, if she seems upset or agitated by your silence (storms out of the room, glares at you, slams doors, huffs, etc.), you are probably in the situation of "Expects You to Know", and you need to act on that information.

As for why she would do this, there are several reason. She may be embarrassed by the fact she is crying, and really wishes you hadn't noticed. She may think that if she gives you the reason she is crying you will laugh at her, or brush it off as emotional. Or, she could be mad at you.

If she is embarrassed by it, leave her alone, she'll be fine when she gets over it. If she isn't telling you because you might laugh or brush it off, we have a problem here, because that is basically saying she doesn't feel safe telling you things. Shape up.

Crying and Won't Say Why, but Expects You to Know:
Ah, you poor creature. This is the version for when she is mad at you.

For starters, she does legitimately think that you should know what the problem is. It is glaringly obvious to her. It might be something that the two of you have discussed before, it might be a repeated offense, it might be a number of things, but she sees it, and she can't believe that you can't. Therefore when you ask what's wrong, she says you should know, and then you don't... I am so, so sorry. Your inability to see it can be translated a few different ways including: "He doesn't care about me enough to even think about it, even though I am this upset" and "He doesn't know me well enough to know, even though we've been together x years."

You should try to think over the last 24 hours or so to see if you can think of the possible crime, but don't let her stew very long, cause this is just getting worse. She is angry and she is choosing to not communicate. I would suggest pacifying the situation by telling her you truly don't know what's wrong, but you want to so that you can fix it. From here she will hopefully soften a bit more and tell you.

When she is a good mood, you should discuss this situation, especially if this is your spouse. I personally think that being angry and not being willing to work it out is toxic in a relationship, and you and she should figure out a different method of dealing with issues. Do it nicely though, because she probably did have legitimate reason to be angry with you. We usually do.

Quick note to the ladies on this topic: It is never fair to expect someone to read your mind. I could pick a random person at my place of work, imagine them being angry with me, and then pick out five different reasons as to why. If you are living with someone (i.e., husband) you could probably think of many more. Imagine that he were angry, but you had to guess why. Did you over cook the last food you made? Did you leave the car running? Did you forget to feed the cats this morning? Did you leave a sock on the floor and he slipped? Not fair, is it? DON'T DO THIS TO PEOPLE!

Crying and "I Don't Want to Talk About it Right Now.":

Usually she actually means what she says, at least I would. She wants to calm down, sort through some things, before addressing an issue. Giving her the time she wants will deal with half of the problem, so I suggest doing as she asks.

*This suggestion here is one that I'm not very sure about. It is how I would deal with a situation, but I am a pacifistic avoider, so I don't know if it necessarily the best method. Also, for this I am assuming that you have asked once in a straight-forward way.

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